this thing
that runs through my heart
like a freight train
knocks me down
and lifts me up
at the same time
brings me joy
and reminds me
to stay open
be vulnerable
this thing
unnameable
random
vast
deep
it knows no bounds
reaches deep inside
blows me away
scatters the pieces
to the darkest edges
of the universe
and somehow
makes me whole
again
how do you do that?
(D James)
feeling like it’s been amateur hour for far too long
feeling like this is all going to end
looking like the futile quest of some tattooed old man
chasing dreams on the back of a motorcycle named Rocinante
then again…
what’s wrong with that
(D James)
asking why
leads backwards
as in “why did you do that?”
why asks for excuses
reasons
justification of the past
asking what
looks forward
as in “what will you do with that?”
what asks to create
is curious
and wants nothing more
than for something to be expressed
(D James)
assumptions made
plans set
though no one
told you
the day arrives
car all packed
you ride off
not knowing
where you’re going
the road stretches on
for years
stopping occasionally
in one town or the other
you sometimes wonder
how you will know
when you’ve arrived
(D. James)
long shadows
rush around
in straight lines
bundled against
the early morning sun
that gives off light
but little heat
another day
for the many lucky enough
to have made it through the night
yet who among us
thinks of the new day that way
before the first cup of coffee
if at all
(D. James)
a state of being
closed off to other
possible outcomes
a place of right
might
fight
where trouble lurks
and there is no soul
a safe place
where one finds
simplistic comfort
only in its opposite
is there any hope
or chance of stumbling
upon the world as it is
and not as we want it to be
(D James)
rummaging around the ruins
of a failed system
with nothing left to buy
and even less to sell
worrying about the weather
and the dow jones industrial index
as if it matters to our souls
and whether they can still be saved
these fallible indicators
are not merely implausible
but are “out of time”
when false gods
ruled through commerce
and promises of a better life
the buying and selling
of currencies currency
ultimately believing in a technology
that would deliver us from evil
we can only hope
there be nothing left
after the final fall
giving us a clean slate
like a blackboard
with the remnants of the old methods
and now dead ideas
floating
as chalk dust in sunlight
then
finally
we can begin
as sentient beings
neither to be bought or sold
but simply to be
in the world
(D James)
I went
as far as the road
would take me
then continued on
I followed
the wind
as far as it did blow
then went beyond
I walked
to the peak
of the mountain
then reached up and touched the sky
I dropped
to the bottom
of the ocean
then dug down to the center of the earth
seen the sights
rode the rides
had loves
and losses
watched the line between
the beginnings and endings
blur
then bend
into a circle
and I can either
go round with it
or waste time
fighting against the flow
(D James)
always too loud
always too much
often out-of-place
often out of time
never doing
what I’m supposed to
saying the wrong thing
frustrated
living someone else’s life
unsure of the next move
the right move
going back to where
it started
where I started
always too loud
always too much
out of money
out of time
out on a limb
out of my mind
out of patience
out of sight
some day
this will all end
and I’ll surely miss it
(D James)
what if
we weren’t
our thoughts
what if
we viewed ourselves
as others do
or better yet
as who we are
without judgement
or emphasizing the negative
what if we strived
to be
acceptional
instead of exceptional
what if all the words
meant nothing
and so we stopped using them
to explain our life
and simply lived it
(D James)
everything is something
even nothing
is something
if only in word
anything that can be labelled
becomes something
in language
as the mind can
imagine
beyond the edge
of the universe
whether there is light
or microwaves
energy or matter
there is something
even if that something
is nothing
(D James)
where to begin
from here
or much earlier
how will it end
in some sudden unknown later
perhaps
by the hand of another
or drawn out
over time
by some mutated
cellular replication
the future is
impossible to know
what is known
what is certain
is that someday
it will end
or we will
at least as we appear now
what happens after
the form is gone
only the dead
know for sure
(D James)
darkness falls
sudden and silent
like the end of days
or the beginning
the evening goes deaf
as the black crawls
across the sky
into and through spaces unseen
dots of light
on a velvet canvas
and the new moon rises
reflecting nothing
on the other side of the world
it is winter
and a new day breaks
standing at the shore
uncertain
unready
unsteady
inviting the unknown
or futilely looking
for a place to hide
we either step
into the ocean of fear
or it will crash over us
will we be washed away
or cleanse our spirit
break our heart
or break us open
to find a deeper sense
of who we are
(D James)
quiet now
in the small hours
of the morning
with the heart
and mind
aligned
peaceful now
as the new day
dawns
and everything
seems as one
in the vast expanse
is it a straight line
from our ancestors
to now
or is there a circle
that completes each moment
are we really alone
in this world
or surrounded
by the billions
who came before
and since
(D James)
the rain doesn’t ask
why it falls
the sun doesn’t ask
why it shines
the tree doesn’t ask
why it leaves
nothing
in all the world
asks why
except us
because we think
what we think
matters
and it does
but only to us
so what if
we let our thoughts
fall away like rain
what if
we shined like the sun
what if
we let our false-selves go
like leaves from a tree
what if
we stopped asking
why
what if
we just admit
we don’t know
and never will
and what if
we didn’t
make it mean anything
(D James)
what’s it like?
what’s it feel like?
rarely
what it is
so we talk about
as if a description
of a thing
is the thing
itself
this isn’t how I feel
these are the thoughts
about how I feel
judgements
on a theme
proximity
of an approximation
but what is it
moment by moment
this thing we call
life
I don’t know
but I can tell you
about it
for hours
and get nowhere
or instead
keep silent
find the moment
in the moment
because it’s happening
it’s always happening
even when we’re struggling
to understand
or explain it
it’s happening
right now
whether we’re aware
or not
whether we understand
or not
whether we agree
or not
it’s happening
even when we’re
not here
(D James)
and this is not
my life,
is it?
worrying about goals
and hitting targets
making my numbers
for the month
this can’t be
why I’m here
this isn’t my life
being in debt
and fretting
over back taxes
my life
is about art
and culture
and friends
and family
and love
mostly love
my life
is for fun
and adventure
and taking big risks
my life
is to be used up
so that I don’t die
leaving behind
just debt and struggle
but something
of greater value
than that
something
much more lasting
or at least more fun
(D James)
what if
there were
messages
lessons
something
to learn
what if
there were
spirits whispering
in your ear
what if
you could hear
the sound
of an angel’s heartbeat
in the dreams of a lover
would you rather
drudge along
talking about
what’s impossible
or
spend your days
listening for light
in the flutter of a bird’s wings
(D James)
this thing strung together making no sense yet kept writing these words and not even thinking letting them flow and trying to keep up like in life when everything moves at the speed of sound and people keep moving and I seem to be in the way, slower than everyone else feeling tired and left behind it all seems a bit too much maybe I’m still on west coast time or it could be that I’m no longer interested in the rushing and running, the pushing and shoving, shouldering my way through life trying to get in front of the person in front of me assholes behind me kicking at the backs of my shoes, knocking them off skittering across the platform as the E train rushes out of the station and the next group of followers gathers in the station, and on to the next thing, the one after the one right before this one, how can anyone make sense of the world anymore when people start conversations in e-mail and end them in text, and no one, no one, answers the phone any longer, why can’t this rant end? because there are no endings and no beginnings, there’s just all this rushing around in the middle and when I go, and when you go, there will still be 6 billion and more on the planet to take up where we left off, and there is no reason for it, no meaning – it all is and it all isn’t and we’re here to sort out what it means to us now, and then we’re gone. And the sun will rise and the sun will set, and the sun will rise and the sun will set …
(D. James)
like bits of paper
blown by the wind
which ones will I catch
in the net of my mind
hold onto for dear life
which ones will I let fly
laughing at what nonsense
I can come up with
what if they were all
just passing
like a small spark
or bolt of lightning
electric and fleeting
shinning a momentary light
then gone
instead of being turned
into the truth
(D. James)
where does it
go
the time
seems like it
used to crawl
now I lose
track
of the days
and memories
are like stories
someone once told
I’m not even
certain
I’ve not written
this poem
before
(D James)
light and dark
laughter and tears
never and always
right and wrong
bone and dust
blood and guts
intransigent and flexible
solid and liquid
everything
and
nothing
(D James)
white sheet
blank paper
and the
screen in your head
goes black
who ever said
you can’t get there from here
didn’t know where you were
to begin with
so how did they know
where you’d end up
(D. James)
and and and
adding to what
was said
and and and
bringing together
disparate thoughts
and and and
an endless string
of ideas
and and and
where I’ve been
and and and
where I’m going
(D. James)
it could break,
a mind,
from the pressure
all those thoughts
of what I should
be doing
what I did
wrong
asking why
the grace and ease
so longed for
seeming far off
impossible
hoping
for change
and then
don’t want
the kind that arrives
realizing
finally
it is not an answer
I seek
but a way to live
to think thoughts
and take action
generate some
confidence
take some
responsibility
for my life
because if I don’t
who the hell will
(D. James)
