JFK – 7 am

unfinished sentences
all these things
left unsaid

a hundred words
stale phrases
none of them
enough

talk all damn day
and I’d still
never get
to what it is
that pulls at me
makes me want to stay

should have tried
should have missed that flight
should be there with you now
should stop trying to make sense
of any of this

because all I want
is to be
where I’m not

all I want
is to be
where
I am
not

(D. James)

old flame same heat

a cold wind
comes through
like longing

how many years
before we’ll be together
my love

will death
take me
before I see
your eyes
once more

feel your skin
breathe you in

is there no
relief from this
yearning

is this to be
yet another
unfinished story

all those miles
all those years
all these trials
all these tears

don’t we deserve
a break in this life
or do we have to wait
until the next one

(D. James)

you could call it that … yeah

can’t eat
can’t sleep
can’t stop thinking
of you

waiting for a call
e-mail
chat
text

something
to let me know
you’re thinking
of me
when I’m thinking
of you

knowing
it’s no good
being like this

but doing it
anyway

’cause there are
no answers
only questions

so why not ask
the same one
over and over

(D. James)

this doesn’t happen

to live
for a great love

something imagined
but never attained

a moment
in time
regained

an improbable
second chance

do you defy
the odds?

or is it all
rash insanity
fools folly

destined
to self-destruct

in the end
do we care?

not if we are driven
by our desire
think
this is our
destiny

perhaps then
we make it so
or burn in the fire
set so long ago
suddenly too close

(D. James)

unrequited love on a virtual platform

I look for you
or the virtual
approximation
of you

the pull
so strong
the emotional
distance bridged
through half-sentences
in a tiny window

we abbreviate
and emoticon
our way through
complex emotions
rooted in a past
long before
any of this technology
existed

years go by
and then suddenly
you are there again

always reconnecting
always
at the wrong time

perhaps we had
our chance
back then

and it won’t
come around again

wishing
it were any other way
won’t make it so

but I still try

(D. James)

somebody to love

wanting
someone
who gets the feeling

of all those words
in all those songs
like I do

someone fearless

who knows
the difference
between
pain and suffering

creating or courting
neither

but knowing
what it means
to feel deeply

to ache

to revel
in the glory
of being known
by another
like no other

to miss
the one you love

(D. James)

this is this

this is bad
this desire
this wanting

this is not me
this is not you
this isn’t even who we think
this is

this is some evil
this
this twist
this pain

this feeling
this ache for you

this is just a dream
this nightmare
this remembrance of you
this haunting

this stillness of still wanting
this with you

this ending that never ends because I don’t want
this to ever end never wanted
this to end always wondered why
this did end
this always ending
this

(D. James)

love at dawn

wanting
to hold someone
at the end of a long day

not just a body
but someone to love

curled up in my arms
breathing quietly
the smell of hair
and warm skin
mixed with clean sheets

someone to wake up to
come the morning light

someone
who calls me baby
in a way that means
the world to them

can’t a man want
these things
and not think
he has to hide
his feelings away

I’m just asking

(D. James)

wanting more than the gods will allow

waiting
the night out

feeling
my way
in the dark

hoping
the morning
won’t come
this one time

keeping
the fantasy
of being with you
longer than just tonight
alive for one more hour

as light
lines
the horizon

I take
one last look
and like Eurydice
you vanish before my eyes

(D. James)

what will I do tomorrow without you tonight

haven’t slept
in my own bed
all week

now it’s later
than late
and I’m faced
with the aloneness
of being alone
in this bed
that’s just
a mattress
on the floor

I miss
your green
eyes
your red
hair
your pale
skin
your
attitude

the way you look
straight at me
in the morning
like a child
who has yet
to learn fear
or know the difference
between themself
and another

and your laugh
pure abandon
in that ha ha ha
the complete unbridled
expression of joy

how will I make it
through the night
and worse
what will I look forward to
in the morning

(D. James)

calling

phone calls
text messages

and no one
gets back

what to do

feeling disconnected
feeling like no one’s
out there
feeling like no one
wants me

it’s only a thought
they’re all just busy
right now

in an hour
everyone
will call back
at once

and I’ll have
3 voice mails
and 5 text
messages

while trying
to get through
to my sister
in Tucson
to say
I love you

(D. James)

life may be empty and meaningless, but don’t tell that to my heart

don’t know what
to do
with these feelings

when the woman
you love says
it doesn’t mean anything

like your love
doesn’t matter
like you
don’t
matter

it isn’t what she means
it’s just how it sounds
to you
in the moment
as she says goodbye
for the last time

what do you do
knowing she’s already
calling another man
lover

do you give in
to the rage
let it consume you
or can you find a way
to let it all go

as if it really
doesn’t matter

(D. James)

nothing between us

in the silence
before dawn
I breath in
the scent of skin

rub the nape
of your neck

run my hand
along
your waist
to the pale belly

you roll over
stare straight
into me

seeing
who I really am

not who I project
to keep the world
at bay

but who
I want to be

who I am
when it’s safe

you smile,
revealing
your true self

I don’t know
if you do that
with others

but to me
you are always
an open door

inviting me
to step through

and I’m curious
what, if anything,
I do for you

(D. James)

more of you

in bed
your head
on my chest

I want
to write
my name
across your
smooth white belly

to mark you
as you’ve
marked me

afraid to say
what I truly feel
for fear
it would
scare you away

then I let go
of all that
and am with you
in a way
not possible
before

and all
I want now
is more

(D. James)

burn for you

wanting
to burn
for another

feel
her missing
from the sheets
when she’s away

be
in the warmth
of a gaze

wake
in the silence
before sunrise

stare
at her body
lying in wait

get lost
in the smell
of her hair

pull
her to me
knowing
that’s always
what she wants

(D. James)

no matter how much you try to kill it, my love won’t die … I’ll just take it with me as I say goodbye

pick up
and move
to a strange town

change my life
to want
whatever you want

find myself
by loosing
who I thought
I was

I could
love
like that

did
love
like that

still do

I’m just
no longer
waiting
for you

(D. James)

nothing more than love

waiting
for the call
which never comes

the one
where she says
all is forgiven
I love you

she says
please come home
we can work it all out

she says
come to me

and I do
and we do

but the phone
doesn’t ring

and everything
reminds me
of her

cup of tea
a bed
laughter
dark hair
sunlight
dogs
tears
children
laundry

I think
what should I do
with all these thoughts
in my head

afraid to let go
that that
would be
the end

and I keep
wanting
another outcome

the one where
the phone rings

and she says …

(D. James)