life
crashes in on you
like
a wave
or a room full of cymbals
to survive
you shut down
go limp
tap out
life
moves on
like
the wind
or the hands of a clock
to catch up
you run
you jump
you get back in touch
(D James)
Tag Archives: beginnings
final destination
assumptions made
plans set
though no one
told you
the day arrives
car all packed
you ride off
not knowing
where you’re going
the road stretches on
for years
stopping occasionally
in one town or the other
you sometimes wonder
how you will know
when you’ve arrived
(D. James)
it is not a straight line
I went
as far as the road
would take me
then continued on
I followed
the wind
as far as it did blow
then went beyond
I walked
to the peak
of the mountain
then reached up and touched the sky
I dropped
to the bottom
of the ocean
then dug down to the center of the earth
seen the sights
rode the rides
had loves
and losses
watched the line between
the beginnings and endings
blur
then bend
into a circle
and I can either
go round with it
or waste time
fighting against the flow
(D James)
a fight is a fight and nothing more
today
everyone has a cause
they want us to
sign their petition
vote for their candidate
pray to their god
click to donate
“buy my book”
“see my movie”
“watch me shout
at someone on TV”
everyone thinks
they fight
for what’s right
but in the end
a fight is just a fight
and nothing more
and we
we are no longer
individuals
but demographics
grouped by
geographic location
browsing preferences
tweets and posts
tracked
analyzed
followed
“liked”
and “shared”
in the midst
of all this noise
and data
the bits
and gigs
the shouting
and being right
it is all too easy
to get lost in the created confusion
so we must remember
to look another in the eye
and say hello
share something genuine
and let go
for a moment
of the crush of
information
and be human
(D James)
for Joe Cap
down deep
it’s been said
time is an illusion
not the hands
on the clock
the other time
that exists in the mind
yesterday’s
and tomorrow’s
time
it’s been written
that all we have
is right now
and it only takes
being here right now
to reveal the wonders of life
too simple an answer
for us to comprehend
too easy for the mind to reject
and yet
if we stop for a moment
let our thoughts be thoughts
no more true forward than backward
there is a chance
to be present
and find who we really are
if only briefly
(D. James)
future unknown
where to begin
from here
or much earlier
how will it end
in some sudden unknown later
perhaps
by the hand of another
or drawn out
over time
by some mutated
cellular replication
the future is
impossible to know
what is known
what is certain
is that someday
it will end
or we will
at least as we appear now
what happens after
the form is gone
only the dead
know for sure
(D James)
right now, right now
all the yesterdays
behind you
leave them there
all those unfulfilled
wants and desires
let them go
the worries about tomorrow
and tomorrow’s tomorrow
forget them
whatever supposedly came before
or might happen later
is not now
right now
is perfect
right now
is present
right now
is all we have
be with me here
right now
in the only moment
we have
bring your true self
the one of love
compassion
peace
into this moment
watch the leaves dance in the breeze
the birds take flight
feel the earth turn
be one with the 7 billion
who share this place with us
experience life as a single entity
can you feel it?
(D James)
searching in the dark
darkness falls
sudden and silent
like the end of days
or the beginning
the evening goes deaf
as the black crawls
across the sky
into and through spaces unseen
dots of light
on a velvet canvas
and the new moon rises
reflecting nothing
on the other side of the world
it is winter
and a new day breaks
standing at the shore
uncertain
unready
unsteady
inviting the unknown
or futilely looking
for a place to hide
we either step
into the ocean of fear
or it will crash over us
will we be washed away
or cleanse our spirit
break our heart
or break us open
to find a deeper sense
of who we are
(D James)
the write time
waiting
for silence
to rise
for words
to pour out
like water from a pitcher
stopping
then typing
wanting
then trying
failing
then beginning
again
the dam breaks
when the thoughts
of can’t
and not good enough
are abandoned
ignored
left to die
of starvation
or simply put aside
while the typing
becomes writing
and hours
go by
unnoticed
(D James)
everything in the moment of nothing
each morning
the task
is to get present
the day cannot really begin
without being present
to this very moment
I’m aware of being present
when a smile
stretches across my face
for no reason at all
though there are plenty of reasons
to smile
there are equally enough invented reasons
to frown
the smile I wait for
is the smile for no reason at all
the smile for this very moment in time
when I am connected to being alive
not the world
and my place in it
but all life
yours
mine
the 6 billion others
the trees
the bees
every blade of grass
as well as
the life we can’t see
underneath this one
the cells
and their nuclei
and who knows
perhaps even life
on another planet
in another vast galaxy
far beyond our imagination
or the reach of current technology
this is what happens
when I get present
life expands beyond comprehension
and my worries, fears, judgements, and opinions
all fall away
and I am left with nothing
a blank canvas
to create anything I want
in this very moment
(D. James)
back and here again
going through
the days
of process
and habit
feeling like
a reflection
of myself
in chrome
buried under a sea
of fear
and fretting
my conscious self
sleeps the sleep
of the walking
talking
dead
until
stopping
on a street corner
I look up
at a brilliant
blue sky
dotted with bright
white
clouds
suddenly
awake
to the possibility
called life
not just mine
but all of it
swirling
buzzing
humming
from here
to every corner
of the earth
and back
again
(D. James)
where is the living
wake up
into patterns
of unconsciousness
go through the day
asleep with eyes open
and react
react
react
taking direction
from the small mind
playing safe
surviving
the true self
buried
under all the thinking
thinking
thinking
and the doing
and the waiting
then
for a moment
looking up
past the tall buildings
at a sliver of blue sky
life opens up
now I’m awake
(D. James)
the infinity of one
quiet now
in the small hours
of the morning
with the heart
and mind
aligned
peaceful now
as the new day
dawns
and everything
seems as one
in the vast expanse
is it a straight line
from our ancestors
to now
or is there a circle
that completes each moment
are we really alone
in this world
or surrounded
by the billions
who came before
and since
(D James)
letting go of yesterday
woke up this morning
in yesterday’s undone
tasks
as if under a pile of stones
at the bottom of the ocean
dragging my head
out of bed
caught up in a web
of thinking about
broken promises
and all the
“should haves”
that I didn’t
and today looks like
another repeat of that show
with the same commercial breaks
“and now a word from our sponsor –
are you tired, listless, rundown?
need something to pick you up?”
no
what’s needed is to let go
be ok with right now
do what can be done
leave yesterday in yesterday
and make today anew
(D James)
urban scrawl
this thing strung together making no sense yet kept writing these words and not even thinking letting them flow and trying to keep up like in life when everything moves at the speed of sound and people keep moving and I seem to be in the way, slower than everyone else feeling tired and left behind it all seems a bit too much maybe I’m still on west coast time or it could be that I’m no longer interested in the rushing and running, the pushing and shoving, shouldering my way through life trying to get in front of the person in front of me assholes behind me kicking at the backs of my shoes, knocking them off skittering across the platform as the E train rushes out of the station and the next group of followers gathers in the station, and on to the next thing, the one after the one right before this one, how can anyone make sense of the world anymore when people start conversations in e-mail and end them in text, and no one, no one, answers the phone any longer, why can’t this rant end? because there are no endings and no beginnings, there’s just all this rushing around in the middle and when I go, and when you go, there will still be 6 billion and more on the planet to take up where we left off, and there is no reason for it, no meaning – it all is and it all isn’t and we’re here to sort out what it means to us now, and then we’re gone. And the sun will rise and the sun will set, and the sun will rise and the sun will set …
(D. James)
caught on a thought
like bits of paper
blown by the wind
which ones will I catch
in the net of my mind
hold onto for dear life
which ones will I let fly
laughing at what nonsense
I can come up with
what if they were all
just passing
like a small spark
or bolt of lightning
electric and fleeting
shinning a momentary light
then gone
instead of being turned
into the truth
(D. James)
nothing and nothing at all
nothing
no thing
no nothing
no
begin
at the middle
go back
to the end
then circle round
to finish
at the beginning
once you figure
it out
let me know
I’ll be waiting
(D James)
climbing the mountain
the blank page
stares back at me
silently mocking
my attempts
to scribble
something
of weight
the blank page
like a snow-covered
mountain
challenges my ability
to communicate
and whisper-laughs
at my thoughts of words
until I say
to the blank page
“ok, you write something”
then there is silence
and I can finally settle down
to begin the work of stringing words
together into something that makes sense
to someone
somewhere
(D. James)
more questions than you know what to do with
white sheet
blank paper
and the
screen in your head
goes black
who ever said
you can’t get there from here
didn’t know where you were
to begin with
so how did they know
where you’d end up
(D. James)
wandering through to the end
lost under a sea
of unfocused thoughts
mind-numbing wandering
through disconnected
days of fear and self-loathing
wondering
where it went wrong
where I went wrong
feeling out of place
out of time
out of my mind
like a character
in an unfinished
Beckett play
waiting for something
like life
to begin
unable to go on
with no choice
but to go on
immobile
immovable
immature
with all the courage
of a well-fed
old house cat
wanting to know
how it all ends
when I should be thinking
where to beginÂ
(D James)
following a path
years ago
skinny kid
thought he knew
everything
full of bravado
and half-believing
how is it
we lived
through all that
and have come
to this
desire
still tugs
at us
reaching across
the years
the miles
our lives
converging
this path set
before we walked
upon it
no idea
where it leads
only where we’ve
been
maybe
this time
we’ll get it right
(D. James)
JFK – 7 am
unfinished sentences
all these things
left unsaid
a hundred words
stale phrases
none of them
enough
talk all damn day
and I’d still
never get
to what it is
that pulls at me
makes me want to stay
should have tried
should have missed that flight
should be there with you now
should stop trying to make sense
of any of this
because all I want
is to be
where I’m not
all I want
is to be
where
I am
not
(D. James)
what do you say?
I’m asking
I’m asking too much
but I’m asking anyway
’cause if you don’t ask
you don’t get
and I think
you want me to ask
it’s why
you found me
waiting for you
to come around again
so I could ask
so I’m asking
(D. James)
jump in … the water’s warm
looking
for what I want
in places I will not find it
thinking
look again
it’ll be there
this time
it’ll be there
now
check now
what about now
not yet
what about now
keep looking
in the same dead place
waiting for my life to begin
when all this time
it’s been right in front of me
waiting for me to see
(D. James)
everything there is … everything
I want
to write
on the walls
spell out
all the
ideas
emotions
color
outside the lines
black pen markings
beginning in one corner
not stopping until I’ve planned out my whole fucking life
filling ten rooms with the words of my mind
the work of my soul
not stopping until it is all out of me
like some monster some wild thing
only then can I lay down to sleep
knowing when I wake it will all
still be there
but exposed out in the open
nothing to hide
(D. James)
