had a dream
that it all worked out
all of it
money
happiness
life
had a reality
that it all worked out
all of it
then I woke
into a place
where none of it matters
and realized my search
was complete
and so am I
(D James)
had a dream
that it all worked out
all of it
money
happiness
life
had a reality
that it all worked out
all of it
then I woke
into a place
where none of it matters
and realized my search
was complete
and so am I
(D James)
I had a feeling
of wanting to move
to run
to shout at the ground
that would not move
it did not answer
looked up at the stars
and explained to them
what I was after
they did not respond
went to the roof
and shook my fist
at the night sky
screamed until my voice
fell to the sidewalk
the universe
did not care
I sat down
closed my eyes
and was silent
vowing to stay
until the senseless
makes sense
until the feeling to run
out of my own skin
subsides
I am silent
still
(D James)
light and dark
laughter and tears
never and always
right and wrong
bone and dust
blood and guts
intransigent and flexible
solid and liquid
everything
and
nothing
(D James)
it could break,
a mind,
from the pressure
all those thoughts
of what I should
be doing
what I did
wrong
asking why
the grace and ease
so longed for
seeming far off
impossible
hoping
for change
and then
don’t want
the kind that arrives
realizing
finally
it is not an answer
I seek
but a way to live
to think thoughts
and take action
generate some
confidence
take some
responsibility
for my life
because if I don’t
who the hell will
(D. James)
telegraphing
overt messages
through the ether
like talking
to you through
glass
none
but you
knowing their
true meaning
I wonder
what is
to be done
or should
I simply
be more
patient
waiting for
a reply
not an answer
for now
that would
be enough
(D. James)
can’t eat
can’t sleep
can’t stop thinking
of you
waiting for a call
e-mail
chat
text
something
to let me know
you’re thinking
of me
when I’m thinking
of you
knowing
it’s no good
being like this
but doing it
anyway
’cause there are
no answers
only questions
so why not ask
the same one
over and over
(D. James)
I’m asking
I’m asking too much
but I’m asking anyway
’cause if you don’t ask
you don’t get
and I think
you want me to ask
it’s why
you found me
waiting for you
to come around again
so I could ask
so I’m asking
(D. James)
wanting
to hold someone
at the end of a long day
not just a body
but someone to love
curled up in my arms
breathing quietly
the smell of hair
and warm skin
mixed with clean sheets
someone to wake up to
come the morning light
someone
who calls me baby
in a way that means
the world to them
can’t a man want
these things
and not think
he has to hide
his feelings away
I’m just asking
(D. James)
looking
for what I want
in places I will not find it
thinking
look again
it’ll be there
this time
it’ll be there
now
check now
what about now
not yet
what about now
keep looking
in the same dead place
waiting for my life to begin
when all this time
it’s been right in front of me
waiting for me to see
(D. James)
I want
to write
on the walls
spell out
all the
ideas
emotions
color
outside the lines
black pen markings
beginning in one corner
not stopping until I’ve planned out my whole fucking life
filling ten rooms with the words of my mind
the work of my soul
not stopping until it is all out of me
like some monster some wild thing
only then can I lay down to sleep
knowing when I wake it will all
still be there
but exposed out in the open
nothing to hide
(D. James)
so much
I don’t
understand
used to think
I knew everything
or could
at least
fake it
now
I don’t know
is often
my answer
but I’ll make something up
if it makes you feel better
(D. James)
there are times
like now
when there is
nothing to say
and so
I say
what’s
right there
” … ”
(D. James)
you know
what I mean
when we talk
about the pain
how it keeps
you up
at night
and all the talk
doesn’t help
there is no cure
for being human
we either
feel it
or resist
it’s all the same
in the end
(D. James)
when it chews
you up
and spits
you out
lie there
a while
scream the rage
cry the sorrow
until it is
out of you
completely
then
gently
pick
yourself
up
and go on
(D. James)
Another time
in another city
when I was
someone else
And she
she asked me
“what do you want?”
And I
I had no answer
Now here
in this town
I being me
and all things equal
She asks me
“what do you want?”
And I
I answer
“everything”
To which she
she has no reply
And I
I am left
wondering
why this question
keeps coming up
(D. James)
There is the road
and then there is
the trip we take
on it
There is the sky
and the bird
that flies
There is the water
and the whale
There is fire
and smoke
Those who live
and them
that die
Questions
and even
some answers
(D. James)
having thoughts
about thoughts
that I thought up
last night
thoughts I’ve thought
a long time
new thoughts think
the old ones should
make room
but the old thoughts
think they know best
then there’s the thought
that all this thinking
isn’t getting us anywhere
I don’t even know
what to think
about that
(D. James)
I don’t say
what’s on
my mind
When
it’s all
shit
So keep
my mouth
shut
Because
always
everyone
wants to help
And sometimes
I just need to be
where I’m at
Got it?
(D, James)
(for Ian A.)
What if the old man
isn’t wandering or lonely
What if he has
all the answers
and knows it’s pointless
to say anything
Now who do you
feel sorry for?
(D. James)
See the tall girl
standing on the corner
a cell phone to her ear
Oblivious to the traffic
rushing by
a boy
talking in her ear
He tells her
“I love you”
but she doesn’t
believe it
She turns west
and hears him say
he can’t live without her
She turns east
and he says
please don’t leave
When she looks down
at the ground
is that south?
Up at the sky
north?
He keeps talking
pleading
wheedling
whining
but she stopped listening
long ago
Behind dark sunglasses
she quints at the bright sunlight
of a Los Angeles afternoon
It’s after she throws the phone
as it skips along the hot tar
and is run over a few times
she realizes
her mistake all along
has been looking for love
from without instead of
from within
(D. James)
If I did
as I was told
twist and shout
rattle and hum
would it be annoying
or would you come
along
If I did
as I was told
there’d be
no poetry
at least not
from me
If I did
as I was told
I might remember
to care
that everyone
has an opinion
and some are quick
to share
If I did
as I was told
If only I ever
did as I was told
(D. James)
Without doubt
there are questions
without answers
But are there any answers
without questions?
(D. James)
pinhead
typing away
making no sense
out of nonsense
perhaps
there is
no answer
to why is
the sky blue
or
the moon white
would it be ok
if there were
some questions
left unanswered?
(D. James)