had a dream
that it all worked out
all of it
money
happiness
life
had a reality
that it all worked out
all of it
then I woke
into a place
where none of it matters
and realized my search
was complete
and so am I
(D James)
I had a feeling
of wanting to move
to run
to shout at the ground
that would not move
it did not answer
looked up at the stars
and explained to them
what I was after
they did not respond
went to the roof
and shook my fist
at the night sky
screamed until my voice
fell to the sidewalk
the universe
did not care
I sat down
closed my eyes
and was silent
vowing to stay
until the senseless
makes sense
until the feeling to run
out of my own skin
subsides
I am silent
still
(D James)
light and dark
laughter and tears
never and always
right and wrong
bone and dust
blood and guts
intransigent and flexible
solid and liquid
everything
and
nothing
(D James)
it could break,
a mind,
from the pressure
all those thoughts
of what I should
be doing
what I did
wrong
asking why
the grace and ease
so longed for
seeming far off
impossible
hoping
for change
and then
don’t want
the kind that arrives
realizing
finally
it is not an answer
I seek
but a way to live
to think thoughts
and take action
generate some
confidence
take some
responsibility
for my life
because if I don’t
who the hell will
(D. James)
telegraphing
overt messages
through the ether
like talking
to you through
glass
none
but you
knowing their
true meaning
I wonder
what is
to be done
or should
I simply
be more
patient
waiting for
a reply
not an answer
for now
that would
be enough
(D. James)
can’t eat
can’t sleep
can’t stop thinking
of you
waiting for a call
e-mail
chat
text
something
to let me know
you’re thinking
of me
when I’m thinking
of you
knowing
it’s no good
being like this
but doing it
anyway
’cause there are
no answers
only questions
so why not ask
the same one
over and over
(D. James)
I’m asking
I’m asking too much
but I’m asking anyway
’cause if you don’t ask
you don’t get
and I think
you want me to ask
it’s why
you found me
waiting for you
to come around again
so I could ask
so I’m asking
(D. James)
