If It All Works Out In The End, Isn’t It All Working Out Now?

had a dream
that it all worked out
all of it

money
happiness
life

had a reality
that it all worked out

all of it

then I woke
into a place
where none of it matters

and realized my search
was complete
and so am I

(D James)

I May Be At This Awhile

I had a feeling
of wanting to move
to run
to shout at the ground
that would not move

it did not answer

looked up at the stars
and explained to them
what I was after

they did not respond

went to the roof
and shook my fist
at the night sky
screamed until my voice
fell to the sidewalk

the universe
did not care

I sat down
closed my eyes
and was silent

vowing to stay
until the senseless
makes sense
until the feeling to run
out of my own skin
subsides

I am silent
still

(D James)

loss of balance

it could break,
a mind,
from the pressure

all those thoughts
of what I should
be doing
what I did
wrong

asking why

the grace and ease
so longed for
seeming far off
impossible

hoping
for change
and then
don’t want
the kind that arrives

realizing
finally
it is not an answer
I seek
but a way to live

to think thoughts
and take action
generate some
confidence

take some
responsibility
for my life

because if I don’t
who the hell will

(D. James)

wanting only waits

telegraphing
overt messages
through the ether

like talking
to you through
glass

none
but you
knowing their
true meaning

I wonder
what is
to be done

or should
I simply
be more
patient

waiting for
a reply
not an answer

for now
that would
be enough

(D. James)

you could call it that … yeah

can’t eat
can’t sleep
can’t stop thinking
of you

waiting for a call
e-mail
chat
text

something
to let me know
you’re thinking
of me
when I’m thinking
of you

knowing
it’s no good
being like this

but doing it
anyway

’cause there are
no answers
only questions

so why not ask
the same one
over and over

(D. James)

love at dawn

wanting
to hold someone
at the end of a long day

not just a body
but someone to love

curled up in my arms
breathing quietly
the smell of hair
and warm skin
mixed with clean sheets

someone to wake up to
come the morning light

someone
who calls me baby
in a way that means
the world to them

can’t a man want
these things
and not think
he has to hide
his feelings away

I’m just asking

(D. James)

jump in … the water’s warm

looking
for what I want
in places I will not find it

thinking
look again
it’ll be there
this time
it’ll be there
now

check now
what about now
not yet
what about now

keep looking
in the same dead place
waiting for my life to begin
when all this time
it’s been right in front of me
waiting for me to see

(D. James)

everything there is … everything

I want
to write
on the walls

spell out
all the
ideas
emotions

color
outside the lines

black pen markings
beginning in one corner

not stopping until I’ve planned out my whole fucking life

filling ten rooms with the words of my mind
the work of my soul

not stopping until it is all out of me
like some monster some wild thing

only then can I lay down to sleep
knowing when I wake it will all
still be there
but exposed out in the open

nothing to hide

(D. James)

you deal with it or it will deal with you

you know
what I mean

when we talk
about the pain

how it keeps
you up
at night

and all the talk
doesn’t help

there is no cure
for being human

we either
feel it
or resist

it’s all the same
in the end

(D. James)

everything

Another time
in another city
when I was
someone else

And she
she asked me
“what do you want?”

And I
I had no answer

Now here
in this town
I being me
and all things equal

She asks me
“what do you want?”

And I
I answer
“everything”

To which she
she has no reply

And I
I am left
wondering
why this question
keeps coming up

(D. James)

can you have more answers than questions?

There is the road
and then there is
the trip we take
on it

There is the sky
and the bird
that flies

There is the water
and the whale

There is fire
and smoke

Those who live
and them
that die

Questions
and even
some answers

(D. James)

mind fuck

having thoughts
about thoughts
that I thought up
last night

thoughts I’ve thought
a long time

new thoughts think
the old ones should
make room

but the old thoughts
think they know best

then there’s the thought
that all this thinking
isn’t getting us anywhere

I don’t even know
what to think
about that

(D. James)

omission missive

I don’t say
what’s on
my mind

When
it’s all
shit

So keep
my mouth
shut

Because
always
everyone
wants to help

And sometimes
I just need to be
where I’m at

Got it?

(D, James)

the four corners of love and belonging

See the tall girl
standing on the corner
a cell phone to her ear

Oblivious to the traffic
rushing by
a boy
talking in her ear

He tells her
“I love you”
but she doesn’t
believe it

She turns west
and hears him say
he can’t live without her

She turns east
and he says
please don’t leave

When she looks down
at the ground
is that south?

Up at the sky
north?

He keeps talking
pleading
wheedling
whining
but she stopped listening
long ago

Behind dark sunglasses
she quints at the bright sunlight
of a Los Angeles afternoon

It’s after she throws the phone
as it skips along the hot tar
and is run over a few times

she realizes
her mistake all along
has been looking for love
from without instead of
from within

(D. James)

so I’ve been told

If I did
as I was told

twist and shout
rattle and hum

would it be annoying
or would you come
along

If I did
as I was told

there’d be
no poetry
at least not
from me

If I did
as I was told

I might remember
to care

that everyone
has an opinion
and some are quick
to share

If I did
as I was told

If only I ever
did as I was told

(D. James)