5 true hidden secrets of hot internet lists that generate hits

1. People like lists because they’re easy to read (the lists I mean, though probably the people who read them as well) and there really isn’t anything hidden or secret in these lists that you probably don’t already know.

2. Pick a number between 3 and 10 for your list, as 2 is too few to be a list (that’s more like a lump) and more than 10 will bore the fuck out of your readers. 7 is a good number because it’s lucky, so if you only have 5, make up 2 more to get the magic lucky 7, but if you only have 3, don’t push it, just do 5.

3. Make sure not to pitch your product in the first 2, but don’t wait until the last point especially if you’re bullshitting your way through those last few as you want to make sure they see what it is you’re selling before getting bored and clicking to the next fascinating list that promises to give them something that will change their life or at least their business or has something to do with naked women (oh, now that I’ve mentioned naked women, I can tag this post with the word “naked” or “naked women” which will drive scads of traffic my way).

4. Make sure to put in lots of hyperlinks to your product page and offer something free where you can capture people’s e-mail address so you can market many, many more of your free hot secret hidden tip lists that drive traffic to something FREE, that’s really just another blatant pitch. It’s known as marketing by wearing them down to a nub, though I’m sure someone can come up with a much better phrase, like collateral (damage) marketing or C(d)M. I don’t know, run with it.

5. Stats – use stats because people like stats, they make you sound like you either know something or at least did yer research. If you can’t find any stats that support your secret hidden hot snack-facts, make some up. You can even host your own independent site with a similar sounding name (like the New English Journal of Medicine) and post your data set (after you make it up, of course).

Bonus! Give them half-off or more from the “list” price, but over-charge the same shipping and handling charges (which should be about 10 times what it cost to ship and man-handle the merch through your fulfillment center) so you don’t throw off your profit margins.

(D. James)

gravity helps

everything is everything
and the world
will not stop turning

until the stars
fall from the sky
and the universe
collapses in on itself

but they say
that won’t happen
for another 5 billion years
or so

and before that
though the planet may unburden itself of mankind
like a wet dog shaking off water

we have a little time
hold on
spread love
and laugh
long and loud and hard and often

because no matter who you are
how much money you have
the color of your skin
your gender
or what you think and feel

in the end
we all become dust

(D. James)

everything everywhere all at once

right now
a child is breathing
its first

and someone somewhere
is taking their last

right now
somewhere someone
has fallen
and another has risen

somewhere a storm rages
somewhere a gentle breeze

right now
someone is speaking hate
and somewhere else
is falling in love

in this moment
all over the world
life is happening

and all the things
and all that will come

from before the big bang
to after the big crunch
is all connected

whether we experience it
or not

we are everything
and everywhere

all at once

(D James)

everything in the moment of nothing

each morning
the task
is to get present

the day cannot really begin
without being present
to this very moment

I’m aware of being present
when a smile
stretches across my face
for no reason at all

though there are plenty of reasons
to smile
there are equally enough invented reasons
to frown

the smile I wait for
is the smile for no reason at all
the smile for this very moment in time
when I am connected to being alive

not the world
and my place in it
but all life
the 6 billion others
the trees
the bees
every blade of grass

as well as
the life we can’t see
underneath this one
the cells
and their nuclei

and who knows
perhaps even life
on another planet
in another vast galaxy
far beyond our imagination
or the reach of current technology

this is what happens
when I get present

life expands beyond comprehension
and my worries, fears, judgements, and opinions
all fall away

and I am left with nothing

a blank canvas
to create anything I want
in this very moment

(D. James)

back and here again

going through
the days
of process
and habit

feeling like
a reflection
of myself
in chrome

buried under a sea
of fear
and fretting

my conscious self
sleeps the sleep
of the walking

on a street corner

I look up
at a brilliant
blue sky
dotted with bright

to the possibility
called life

not just mine
but all of it

from here
to every corner
of the earth
and back

(D. James)