everything there is … everything

I want
to write
on the walls

spell out
all the
ideas
emotions

color
outside the lines

black pen markings
beginning in one corner

not stopping until I’ve planned out my whole fucking life

filling ten rooms with the words of my mind
the work of my soul

not stopping until it is all out of me
like some monster some wild thing

only then can I lay down to sleep
knowing when I wake it will all
still be there
but exposed out in the open

nothing to hide

(D. James)

should have been over awhile ago

here’s where
we get to that part
of the night

closer to dawn
than dusk

when the cars
rubber by
less frequently

and your
eyelids
will not
cooperate

everyone else
is long down

nothing
but the hum
of the refrigerator
to keep you company

and that last car
rolling past your window

won’t be another till dawn

best to wait for it
under the covers

if you’re lucky
it’ll go by
unnoticed

if you’re not
it won’t

(D. James)

confused? me too

up all night
looking
for something
that doesn’t exist

something
I don’t want
to see in me

avoiding
myself
by looking
everywhere
other than here

trying to get
out of my head
when I should
be in bed

another late
night

another wasted
morning

couldn’t I get
the same result
in another way

or another result
in the same way

it’s all the same
in the end

(D. James)

wanting more than the gods will allow

waiting
the night out

feeling
my way
in the dark

hoping
the morning
won’t come
this one time

keeping
the fantasy
of being with you
longer than just tonight
alive for one more hour

as light
lines
the horizon

I take
one last look
and like Eurydice
you vanish before my eyes

(D. James)

you deal with it or it will deal with you

you know
what I mean

when we talk
about the pain

how it keeps
you up
at night

and all the talk
doesn’t help

there is no cure
for being human

we either
feel it
or resist

it’s all the same
in the end

(D. James)

searching for dreams (don’t do no good in the real world)

in bed
curled around
her sleeping self

I think
this is what
I’ve always
wanted

to whisper
in an ear

that she’s
my one
and only one

but I don’t
realizing
that’s not me
that’s not her

it’s just an idea
in my head
from a song
Taupin wrote
about one of his
ex-wives

and what
does that
tell you

(D. James)

blap

there are
all these words
and feelings
and messy things

spilled out
on the floor
like blood

seems there’s
no place
to put them all

can’t swallow them

try stuffing them
back into your gut

but they
no longer fit

feels like
you’ll die without
them

seems like
you’ll die with
them

where will you …
how will you …
what will you …
why would you …

go on?

(D. James)