a cold wind
comes through
like longing
how many years
before we’ll be together
my love
will death
take me
before I see
your eyes
once more
feel your skin
breathe you in
is there no
relief from this
yearning
is this to be
yet another
unfinished story
all those miles
all those years
all these trials
all these tears
don’t we deserve
a break in this life
or do we have to wait
until the next one
(D. James)
I look for you
or the virtual
approximation
of you
the pull
so strong
the emotional
distance bridged
through half-sentences
in a tiny window
we abbreviate
and emoticon
our way through
complex emotions
rooted in a past
long before
any of this technology
existed
years go by
and then suddenly
you are there again
always reconnecting
always
at the wrong time
perhaps we had
our chance
back then
and it won’t
come around again
wishing
it were any other way
won’t make it so
but I still try
(D. James)
this is bad
this desire
this wanting
this is not me
this is not you
this isn’t even who we think
this is
this is some evil
this
this twist
this pain
this feeling
this ache for you
this is just a dream
this nightmare
this remembrance of you
this haunting
this stillness of still wanting
this with you
this ending that never ends because I don’t want
this to ever end never wanted
this to end always wondered why
this did end
this always ending
this
(D. James)
looking
for what I want
in places I will not find it
thinking
look again
it’ll be there
this time
it’ll be there
now
check now
what about now
not yet
what about now
keep looking
in the same dead place
waiting for my life to begin
when all this time
it’s been right in front of me
waiting for me to see
(D. James)
I want
to write
on the walls
spell out
all the
ideas
emotions
color
outside the lines
black pen markings
beginning in one corner
not stopping until I’ve planned out my whole fucking life
filling ten rooms with the words of my mind
the work of my soul
not stopping until it is all out of me
like some monster some wild thing
only then can I lay down to sleep
knowing when I wake it will all
still be there
but exposed out in the open
nothing to hide
(D. James)
don’t know what
to do
with these feelings
when the woman
you love says
it doesn’t mean anything
like your love
doesn’t matter
like you
don’t
matter
it isn’t what she means
it’s just how it sounds
to you
in the moment
as she says goodbye
for the last time
what do you do
knowing she’s already
calling another man
lover
do you give in
to the rage
let it consume you
or can you find a way
to let it all go
as if it really
doesn’t matter
(D. James)
in the silence
before dawn
I breath in
the scent of skin
rub the nape
of your neck
run my hand
along
your waist
to the pale belly
you roll over
stare straight
into me
seeing
who I really am
not who I project
to keep the world
at bay
but who
I want to be
who I am
when it’s safe
you smile,
revealing
your true self
I don’t know
if you do that
with others
but to me
you are always
an open door
inviting me
to step through
and I’m curious
what, if anything,
I do for you
(D. James)
in bed
your head
on my chest
I want
to write
my name
across your
smooth white belly
to mark you
as you’ve
marked me
afraid to say
what I truly feel
for fear
it would
scare you away
then I let go
of all that
and am with you
in a way
not possible
before
and all
I want now
is more
(D. James)
what do you
say
when it doesn’t
go your way
you fight
to make
a pointless
point
then you
feel bad
about
the things
you said
finally
you let it go
or
you let it
destroy you
the choice
is yours
(D. James)
then I said
“yes”
and it all
began
for me
and she,
she couldn’t
see
at first
what it meant
then she said
“yes”
and it all
began
for us
(D. James)
alone
in a room
darkness
of your soul
moment
of madness
you rage
and cry out
“what does
it all mean?”
like a wave
it crashes
over you
washes
everything
away
then subsides
you are left
standing
with nothing
and now
you can begin
(D. James)
pick up
and move
to a strange town
change my life
to want
whatever you want
find myself
by loosing
who I thought
I was
I could
love
like that
did
love
like that
still do
I’m just
no longer
waiting
for you
(D. James)
Doing
what needs
doing
being
right where
you are
Nothing broken
nothing to fix
even when
the world
seemingly tells
you so
Just remember
that everything
everything
changes
(D. James)
To begin
to let go
to let go
and begin
begin again
to let go
to let go
and begin again
to let go
let go
let go
let it go …
At some point
we must begin
to let it go
so we can
begin again
and once more
be whole
(D. James)
what can we
give
on this day
that can truly
be called a gift
not something
bought
or even made
but something
of ourselves
to look someone
in the eye
and let them
know
they are loved
and appreciated
to leave
them
feeling
as if you know
exactly who they are
not who you
think they are
or need them
to be
but truly
who they are
(D. James)
what I write
when no
other thoughts
come
an image, idea
theft
desire
hope
dreams
sorrows
This is what
I write
when nothing else
will come
(D. James)
just because
you want her
doesn’t mean
she feels
the same
or even notices
you’re alive
(D. James)
Another time
in another city
when I was
someone else
And she
she asked me
“what do you want?”
And I
I had no answer
Now here
in this town
I being me
and all things equal
She asks me
“what do you want?”
And I
I answer
“everything”
To which she
she has no reply
And I
I am left
wondering
why this question
keeps coming up
(D. James)
exhausted
by talk
empty words
without action
said again
and again
until there is
nothing
but sound
like shadows
in fog
smoke and mirrors
leaving us
nowhere
with nothing
(D. James)
to write something
of import
just once
a line
truer
than the truth
that makes
someone
think twice
pierces
their heart
it may be
in me yet
have to keep
searching
keep writing
to find that phrase
that stops the world
from spinning
if only for a moment
(D. James)
I don’t say
what’s on
my mind
When
it’s all
shit
So keep
my mouth
shut
Because
always
everyone
wants to help
And sometimes
I just need to be
where I’m at
Got it?
(D, James)
(for Ian A.)
What if the old man
isn’t wandering or lonely
What if he has
all the answers
and knows it’s pointless
to say anything
Now who do you
feel sorry for?
(D. James)
The choices
we make
define our lives
Saying this
but doing that
Wanting one thing
then following another
Looking for some truth
beyond ourselves
when all the time
it’s right where
we left it
In our wallet
next to the photograph
of the one we love
(D. James)
traded as fact
they lurk
in broad daylight
often dispelled
by opposing
falsehoods
nothing more
than something
someone was once
ridiculed for believing
then repeated
repeated
repeated
so much
no one asks
where it came from
we just live
like it’s the truth
(D. James)
The truth is …
God has no religion
(D. James)
