fearing fear
it morphs
into pain
fearing pain
it morphs
into anger
forgetting compassion
until there is nothing left
but rage
and this I fear
more than all the rest
(D James)
Posts Tagged ‘pain’
fear fear
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 24 January 2011 at 5:23 amcontradiction of terms
In art, audio, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 24 May 2010 at 2:21 pmmessy business
this thing
called
life
no straight lines
or perfect circles
unchartable
unpredictable
erratic
like a riff
beauty
between
sour notes
brief
unyielding
amazing
painful
joyous
full of love
and contradictions
it couldn’t be
any other way
so why look for
what isn’t there
(D. James)
old flame same heat
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 28 April 2010 at 2:22 pma cold wind
comes through
like longing
how many years
before we’ll be together
my love
will death
take me
before I see
your eyes
once more
feel your skin
breathe you in
is there no
relief from this
yearning
is this to be
yet another
unfinished story
all those miles
all those years
all these trials
all these tears
don’t we deserve
a break in this life
or do we have to wait
until the next one
(D. James)
somebody to love
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 9 April 2010 at 12:26 pmwanting
someone
who gets the feeling
of all those words
in all those songs
like I do
someone fearless
who knows
the difference
between
pain and suffering
creating or courting
neither
but knowing
what it means
to feel deeply
to ache
to revel
in the glory
of being known
by another
like no other
to miss
the one you love
(D. James)
blap
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 3 March 2010 at 8:59 pmthere are
all these words
and feelings
and messy things
spilled out
on the floor
like blood
seems there’s
no place
to put them all
can’t swallow them
try stuffing them
back into your gut
but they
no longer fit
feels like
you’ll die without
them
seems like
you’ll die with
them
where will you …
how will you …
what will you …
why would you …
go on?
(D. James)
life may be empty and meaningless, but don’t tell that to my heart
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 22 February 2010 at 3:02 pmdon’t know what
to do
with these feelings
when the woman
you love says
it doesn’t mean anything
like your love
doesn’t matter
like you
don’t
matter
it isn’t what she means
it’s just how it sounds
to you
in the moment
as she says goodbye
for the last time
what do you do
knowing she’s already
calling another man
lover
do you give in
to the rage
let it consume you
or can you find a way
to let it all go
as if it really
doesn’t matter
(D. James)
it’s all in how you say it
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 8 February 2010 at 2:26 pmsummon the gods
even though you know
they cannot save you
let them rain down pain
like warriors at the front
bring the slaughter
leave nothing
in your wake
full of force
shallow power
that cannot last
this is what
you can do
with words
(D. James)
stronger for it
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 27 January 2010 at 3:00 pmwhen it chews
you up
and spits
you out
lie there
a while
scream the rage
cry the sorrow
until it is
out of you
completely
then
gently
pick
yourself
up
and go on
(D. James)
walking through it
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 18 January 2010 at 5:10 pmnervous
pressure
feelings
running rampant
wanting
it all
to go
away
moments
of clarity
fogged
by anger
wanting to
give this
pain
away
yet
knowing
there is
something
on the other
side of it
something
I need
to see
another way
to be
(D. James)
tusnami soul
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 13 January 2010 at 5:55 pmalone
in a room
darkness
of your soul
moment
of madness
you rage
and cry out
“what does
it all mean?”
like a wave
it crashes
over you
washes
everything
away
then subsides
you are left
standing
with nothing
and now
you can begin
(D. James)
wish I was there
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 4 January 2010 at 10:10 amWaking
only a few hours
after falling asleep
I think
it’s 5
in the morning
where she is
she’s still asleep
I see her
face
quiet
beautiful
that mouth
later
on a bus
cold December sunlight
and I think
6:30 where she is
still asleep
Through the window
the Manhattan skyline
from the Jersey side
majestic
moves me
like no other place
yet I’d trade
it all
for another
chance
(D. James)
nothing more than love
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 1 January 2010 at 2:02 pmwaiting
for the call
which never comes
the one
where she says
all is forgiven
I love you
she says
please come home
we can work it all out
she says
come to me
and I do
and we do
but the phone
doesn’t ring
and everything
reminds me
of her
cup of tea
a bed
laughter
dark hair
sunlight
dogs
tears
children
laundry
I think
what should I do
with all these thoughts
in my head
afraid to let go
that that
would be
the end
and I keep
wanting
another outcome
the one where
the phone rings
and she says …
(D. James)
wonky compass
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 28 December 2009 at 2:33 pmyou head north
I follow
then east
and I follow
to the west
then south
north again
and I follow
your shifts
of whim
until
my bearings
are lost
and I am
swallowed
in a sea
of emotion
you go on
leaving behind this
reckless wreckage
now
there is
nowhere
to go
but
down
(D. James)
a side of me
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 23 December 2009 at 3:50 pmthere is
a side
of me
I do not
like
a part
that feels
unheard
it rages
and I am
in its grip
lost to
madness
there is
a side
of me
I do not
like
and
I have
to live
with the
consequences
of my actions
cannot erase
what I’ve done
there is
a side
of me
I hate
and wish
never to see
again
(D. James)
the last poet
In art, bad sex and bad breath, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 2 December 2009 at 4:27 pmWhen the night
is over
and the final
cigarette
has been smoked
what will
the last poet
say
After all
the evoked emotion
failed relationships
dead boyfriends
abortions
abusive parents
drugs and alcohol
laughter
and pain
have been spilled
out
in some cases
artfully vomited
what could
this last poet
have to say
How to summarize
this night
these words
life sentences
bad grammar
poetic license
driven to excess
How to follow
the girl who told
of losing all her hair
the guy who
crashed his car
the gay biker
who longs
to be dominated
by a she-wolf
of the SS
the boy
who lost
his virginity
so late
the girl
who lost hers
so early
the words
of so many
who want change
yet stay
right where they are
What can this last
motherfucker
have to say
that can top the
triumphs
tragedies
surprises
sorrows
What will
the last poet
leave us with
as we file
out of this
basement grotto
into the light
of dawn
Do we expect
too much
as he steps to the microphone
the crowd
too drunk
to hush
even the white
of the spot light
seems a bit dingy
as he steps into it’s shaft
The last poet
will speak the
last poem
and we will leave
to sleep it off
Whatever he says
will be the final word
so our expectations
are far too high
The last poet
poor fucker
has nowhere to go
but down
unless he’s more genius
than genius itself
more brilliant
than all of us
The last poet
clears his throat
touches his lips
to the mic
the wait
has us spellbound
and half-hopeful
Even so
when we wake
in the afternoon
hungover and
full of piss
will we remember
any of this
(D. James)
idealization
In art, bad sex and bad breath, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 30 November 2009 at 3:00 pmjust because
you want her
doesn’t mean
she feels
the same
or even notices
you’re alive
(D. James)
stubborn lazy do-nothing fucker
In art, bad sex and bad breath, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 25 November 2009 at 9:20 pmlike a dog
that won’t come
a bird
that refuses
to sing
or a cat
that won’t hunt
what if
I just sat here
all damn day
listening to Nina
the sound
of all that pain
washing over me
like rain
(D. James)
own it
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 1 June 2009 at 8:25 pmmoments of
overwhelming
sadness
unwilling
to go forward
unable
to go back
I sit here
in this pain
of my own
making
wondering
how to fix
what I’ve broken
(D. James)
defenses down
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 13 May 2009 at 4:36 pmcome to me now
in the dead
of night
so that I might
hold you tight
come to me now
let me whisper
in your ear
and feel you near
knowing no fear
come to me now
so I can touch
your skin
let me drink
you in like raw gin
make me believe
in a god
and heaven
and all the angels
who sing
crush me
with your look
silence me
in a kiss
hold me
until the sun rises
and tomorrow comes
like sweet pain
(D. James)
