the context of silence

there is
the serene silence
of peace
gently broken by the sound
of a bird

the sobering silence
of anger
that forms in the echo
of a slammed door

then there is
the soulful silence
of lovers lying side-by-side

the singular silence
of a man
alone with his thoughts

the silence of a friend
waving goodbye from the window
of a train

the silence of enemies
standing on either side
of a line in the sand

the silence of a hawk
in flight

of the sun
the stars
and the moon in the sky

of a stopped clock
of a flower unfolding

the silence just before
the film begins

of paint drying on canvas
of lips moving in prayer

the silence that occurs
before the wind
that arrives ahead of the storm

the silence between
the final vibration of a violin
and the applause of the crowd

the silence of
worry
pain
loss

distinct from
the silence
of a smile

the silence
of the color blue

or the silence
we choose

and of the thousand thousand silences
the most powerful silence of all the silences
is the silence
of silence

(D James)

why doesn’t matter

the rain doesn’t ask
why it falls

the sun doesn’t ask
why it shines

the tree doesn’t ask
why it leaves

nothing
in all the world
asks why

except us

because we think
what we think
matters

and it does
but only to us

so what if
we let our thoughts
fall away like rain

what if
we shined like the sun

what if
we let our false-selves go
like leaves from a tree

what if
we stopped asking
why

what if
we just admit
we don’t know
and never will

and what if
we didn’t
make it mean anything

(D James)

life in 75 words

waiting
for something
to happen

like life
or something similar

wanting
to be free
from fear

or at least
push through

needing
to take action

but bored with
the supposed options

stifled
by the thoughts
of past failures

though there’s nothing
to be done about them now

avoiding
hard work
and difficult
conversations

instead
I’ll write
and smoke cigarettes
make a life
out of words

because in the end
that’s all any of us
really have

(D James)

knowing this won’t get you here

what’s it like?
what’s it feel like?

rarely
what it is

so we talk about

as if a description
of a thing
is the thing
itself

this isn’t how I feel
these are the thoughts
about how I feel

judgements
on a theme

proximity
of an approximation

but what is it
moment by moment
this thing we call
life

I don’t know
but I can tell you
about it

for hours
and get nowhere

or instead
keep silent
find the moment
in the moment

because it’s happening
it’s always happening
even when we’re struggling
to understand
or explain it

it’s happening
right now
whether we’re aware
or not
whether we understand
or not
whether we agree
or not

it’s happening
even when we’re
not here

(D James)

urban scrawl

this thing strung together making no sense yet kept writing these words and not even thinking letting them flow and trying to keep up like in life when everything moves at the speed of sound and people keep moving and I seem to be in the way, slower than everyone else feeling tired and left behind it all seems a bit too much maybe I’m still on west coast time or it could be that I’m no longer interested in the rushing and running, the pushing and shoving, shouldering my way through life trying to get in front of the person in front of me assholes behind me kicking at the backs of my shoes, knocking them off skittering across the platform as the E train rushes out of the station and the next group of followers gathers in the station, and on to the next thing, the one after the one right before this one, how can anyone make sense of the world anymore when people start conversations in e-mail and end them in text, and no one, no one, answers the phone any longer, why can’t this rant end? because there are no endings and no beginnings, there’s just all this rushing around in the middle and when I go, and when you go, there will still be 6 billion and more on the planet to take up where we left off, and there is no reason for it, no meaning – it all is and it all isn’t and we’re here to sort out what it means to us now, and then we’re gone. And the sun will rise and the sun will set, and the sun will rise and the sun will set …

(D. James)

whatever you do … don’t

don’t take this
away

it’s the last
small joy
we have

like a slender shaft
of sunlight
through the basement
window

don’t take it
away

we won’t
know what
to do then

waiting,
like refugees
under a rain-soaked
tarp

hoping,
for what was
what might be

so please
don’t take it
away

they’ll be
nothing left
to say

(D. James)

caught on a thought

like bits of paper
blown by the wind

which ones will I catch
in the net of my mind
hold onto for dear life

which ones will I let fly
laughing at what nonsense
I can come up with

what if they were all
just passing

like a small spark
or bolt of lightning

electric and fleeting
shinning a momentary light
then gone

instead of being turned
into the truth

(D. James)

climbing the mountain

the blank page
stares back at me

silently mocking
my attempts
to scribble
something

of weight

the blank page
like a snow-covered
mountain

challenges my ability
to communicate
and whisper-laughs
at my thoughts of words

until I say
to the blank page
“ok, you write something”

then there is silence
and I can finally settle down
to begin the work of stringing words
together into something that makes sense

to someone
somewhere

(D. James)

what are we

light and dark
laughter and tears

never and always
right and wrong

bone and dust
blood and guts

intransigent and flexible
solid and liquid

everything
and
nothing

(D James)

rushing to the end

thinking
you want
what you can’t
have

and knowing
does you no
good

trying
so hard
to make
it all
work out

rushing
to the end
is not the best
plan

letting
it play out
taking
the opportunities
as they come

leaving
behind
what doesn’t
work

seemingly
a more difficult
path
but ultimately
you get there

Only to find out
there is no there
to get to

(D. James)

you could call it that … yeah

can’t eat
can’t sleep
can’t stop thinking
of you

waiting for a call
e-mail
chat
text

something
to let me know
you’re thinking
of me
when I’m thinking
of you

knowing
it’s no good
being like this

but doing it
anyway

’cause there are
no answers
only questions

so why not ask
the same one
over and over

(D. James)

this doesn’t happen

to live
for a great love

something imagined
but never attained

a moment
in time
regained

an improbable
second chance

do you defy
the odds?

or is it all
rash insanity
fools folly

destined
to self-destruct

in the end
do we care?

not if we are driven
by our desire
think
this is our
destiny

perhaps then
we make it so
or burn in the fire
set so long ago
suddenly too close

(D. James)

unrequited love on a virtual platform

I look for you
or the virtual
approximation
of you

the pull
so strong
the emotional
distance bridged
through half-sentences
in a tiny window

we abbreviate
and emoticon
our way through
complex emotions
rooted in a past
long before
any of this technology
existed

years go by
and then suddenly
you are there again

always reconnecting
always
at the wrong time

perhaps we had
our chance
back then

and it won’t
come around again

wishing
it were any other way
won’t make it so

but I still try

(D. James)

somebody to love

wanting
someone
who gets the feeling

of all those words
in all those songs
like I do

someone fearless

who knows
the difference
between
pain and suffering

creating or courting
neither

but knowing
what it means
to feel deeply

to ache

to revel
in the glory
of being known
by another
like no other

to miss
the one you love

(D. James)

everything there is … everything

I want
to write
on the walls

spell out
all the
ideas
emotions

color
outside the lines

black pen markings
beginning in one corner

not stopping until I’ve planned out my whole fucking life

filling ten rooms with the words of my mind
the work of my soul

not stopping until it is all out of me
like some monster some wild thing

only then can I lay down to sleep
knowing when I wake it will all
still be there
but exposed out in the open

nothing to hide

(D. James)

you deal with it or it will deal with you

you know
what I mean

when we talk
about the pain

how it keeps
you up
at night

and all the talk
doesn’t help

there is no cure
for being human

we either
feel it
or resist

it’s all the same
in the end

(D. James)

calling

phone calls
text messages

and no one
gets back

what to do

feeling disconnected
feeling like no one’s
out there
feeling like no one
wants me

it’s only a thought
they’re all just busy
right now

in an hour
everyone
will call back
at once

and I’ll have
3 voice mails
and 5 text
messages

while trying
to get through
to my sister
in Tucson
to say
I love you

(D. James)

life may be empty and meaningless, but don’t tell that to my heart

don’t know what
to do
with these feelings

when the woman
you love says
it doesn’t mean anything

like your love
doesn’t matter
like you
don’t
matter

it isn’t what she means
it’s just how it sounds
to you
in the moment
as she says goodbye
for the last time

what do you do
knowing she’s already
calling another man
lover

do you give in
to the rage
let it consume you
or can you find a way
to let it all go

as if it really
doesn’t matter

(D. James)

when is this going to be about you?

I’m so good
at making it all
about me

that even when
you think you’re
talking about you

it’s still about me

do you do that too
or is it just me?

(D. James)

quietly approaching

there is something
and yet … and yet

a look
in the eye

something
or something
I made up

how
do you know

ten thousand
subtle seconds

and you only have
a moment to act

am I
the only one
who notices this

(D. James)