all we have
are words
and I can’t find
any that fit
or don’t sound
self-serving
what’s left
is silence
maddening
deafening
unbearable
silence
(D. James)
Posts Tagged ‘frustration’
this is what it sounds like when you’re not here
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 3 May 2010 at 12:03 pmJFK – 7 am
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 30 April 2010 at 8:52 amunfinished sentences
all these things
left unsaid
a hundred words
stale phrases
none of them
enough
talk all damn day
and I’d still
never get
to what it is
that pulls at me
makes me want to stay
should have tried
should have missed that flight
should be there with you now
should stop trying to make sense
of any of this
because all I want
is to be
where I’m not
all I want
is to be
where
I am
not
(D. James)
old flame same heat
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 28 April 2010 at 2:22 pma cold wind
comes through
like longing
how many years
before we’ll be together
my love
will death
take me
before I see
your eyes
once more
feel your skin
breathe you in
is there no
relief from this
yearning
is this to be
yet another
unfinished story
all those miles
all those years
all these trials
all these tears
don’t we deserve
a break in this life
or do we have to wait
until the next one
(D. James)
more than a thousand words and still not enough
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 23 April 2010 at 1:44 pmI look
at your picture
but it’s not
enough
there’s heat
but no fire
this facsimile
flat lifeless image
I want your
breath
your scent
you
all of you
this is just
not enough
(D. James)
temporal
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 21 April 2010 at 2:35 pmwaiting for you
to appear
wishing contact
knowing it’s just
a matter of time
because you want
what I want
even if
it doesn’t work
right now
it will
in time
(D. James)
you could call it that … yeah
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 19 April 2010 at 12:11 pmcan’t eat
can’t sleep
can’t stop thinking
of you
waiting for a call
e-mail
chat
text
something
to let me know
you’re thinking
of me
when I’m thinking
of you
knowing
it’s no good
being like this
but doing it
anyway
’cause there are
no answers
only questions
so why not ask
the same one
over and over
(D. James)
this is this
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 7 April 2010 at 2:16 pmthis is bad
this desire
this wanting
this is not me
this is not you
this isn’t even who we think
this is
this is some evil
this
this twist
this pain
this feeling
this ache for you
this is just a dream
this nightmare
this remembrance of you
this haunting
this stillness of still wanting
this with you
this ending that never ends because I don’t want
this to ever end never wanted
this to end always wondered why
this did end
this always ending
this
(D. James)
confused? me too
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 24 March 2010 at 2:17 pmup all night
looking
for something
that doesn’t exist
something
I don’t want
to see in me
avoiding
myself
by looking
everywhere
other than here
trying to get
out of my head
when I should
be in bed
another late
night
another wasted
morning
couldn’t I get
the same result
in another way
or another result
in the same way
it’s all the same
in the end
(D. James)
blap
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 3 March 2010 at 8:59 pmthere are
all these words
and feelings
and messy things
spilled out
on the floor
like blood
seems there’s
no place
to put them all
can’t swallow them
try stuffing them
back into your gut
but they
no longer fit
feels like
you’ll die without
them
seems like
you’ll die with
them
where will you …
how will you …
what will you …
why would you …
go on?
(D. James)
calling
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 24 February 2010 at 2:20 pmphone calls
text messages
and no one
gets back
what to do
feeling disconnected
feeling like no one’s
out there
feeling like no one
wants me
it’s only a thought
they’re all just busy
right now
in an hour
everyone
will call back
at once
and I’ll have
3 voice mails
and 5 text
messages
while trying
to get through
to my sister
in Tucson
to say
I love you
(D. James)
life may be empty and meaningless, but don’t tell that to my heart
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 22 February 2010 at 3:02 pmdon’t know what
to do
with these feelings
when the woman
you love says
it doesn’t mean anything
like your love
doesn’t matter
like you
don’t
matter
it isn’t what she means
it’s just how it sounds
to you
in the moment
as she says goodbye
for the last time
what do you do
knowing she’s already
calling another man
lover
do you give in
to the rage
let it consume you
or can you find a way
to let it all go
as if it really
doesn’t matter
(D. James)
storm clouds passing
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 25 January 2010 at 2:25 pmwhat do you
say
when it doesn’t
go your way
you fight
to make
a pointless
point
then you
feel bad
about
the things
you said
finally
you let it go
or
you let it
destroy you
the choice
is yours
(D. James)
walking through it
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 18 January 2010 at 5:10 pmnervous
pressure
feelings
running rampant
wanting
it all
to go
away
moments
of clarity
fogged
by anger
wanting to
give this
pain
away
yet
knowing
there is
something
on the other
side of it
something
I need
to see
another way
to be
(D. James)
wonky compass
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 28 December 2009 at 2:33 pmyou head north
I follow
then east
and I follow
to the west
then south
north again
and I follow
your shifts
of whim
until
my bearings
are lost
and I am
swallowed
in a sea
of emotion
you go on
leaving behind this
reckless wreckage
now
there is
nowhere
to go
but
down
(D. James)
a side of me
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 23 December 2009 at 3:50 pmthere is
a side
of me
I do not
like
a part
that feels
unheard
it rages
and I am
in its grip
lost to
madness
there is
a side
of me
I do not
like
and
I have
to live
with the
consequences
of my actions
cannot erase
what I’ve done
there is
a side
of me
I hate
and wish
never to see
again
(D. James)
pressure
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 16 December 2009 at 4:46 pmFilled
with fear
not knowing
what the future
holds
worried
I can’t
won’t
make it
That somehow
after all this
time
I’ve finally come
to the end
no more
tricks
up my
sleeve
time to pay
the piper
feeling terribly
inadequate
needing to
reinvent
rethink
shift
(D. James)
For the Love
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 14 December 2009 at 3:40 pmLove you
like no other
somehow it
isn’t enough
always seems
another obstacle
an endless
row of hurdles
and though
it feels as if
this horse
can’t jump
I must
I must
For no
other reason
than love
(D. James)
knock em out
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 7 December 2009 at 4:05 pmTossing
attitude
throwing words
like punches
not caring
where they land
Uncertain
where this is
coming from
or where
it’s going
only that
I’m following
blindly
(D. James)
down day
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 4 December 2009 at 3:56 pmThinking
of giving up
packing it in
leaving
Always looking
for support
someone to prop me up
or just lean me
against a wall
Feeling like
it’s never
gonna be enough
Swimming
in a pool
of self-pity
not wanting
to take
responsibility
wondering how
everyone else
seems to do it
so why
can’t I
(D. James)
the last poet
In art, bad sex and bad breath, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 2 December 2009 at 4:27 pmWhen the night
is over
and the final
cigarette
has been smoked
what will
the last poet
say
After all
the evoked emotion
failed relationships
dead boyfriends
abortions
abusive parents
drugs and alcohol
laughter
and pain
have been spilled
out
in some cases
artfully vomited
what could
this last poet
have to say
How to summarize
this night
these words
life sentences
bad grammar
poetic license
driven to excess
How to follow
the girl who told
of losing all her hair
the guy who
crashed his car
the gay biker
who longs
to be dominated
by a she-wolf
of the SS
the boy
who lost
his virginity
so late
the girl
who lost hers
so early
the words
of so many
who want change
yet stay
right where they are
What can this last
motherfucker
have to say
that can top the
triumphs
tragedies
surprises
sorrows
What will
the last poet
leave us with
as we file
out of this
basement grotto
into the light
of dawn
Do we expect
too much
as he steps to the microphone
the crowd
too drunk
to hush
even the white
of the spot light
seems a bit dingy
as he steps into it’s shaft
The last poet
will speak the
last poem
and we will leave
to sleep it off
Whatever he says
will be the final word
so our expectations
are far too high
The last poet
poor fucker
has nowhere to go
but down
unless he’s more genius
than genius itself
more brilliant
than all of us
The last poet
clears his throat
touches his lips
to the mic
the wait
has us spellbound
and half-hopeful
Even so
when we wake
in the afternoon
hungover and
full of piss
will we remember
any of this
(D. James)
idealization
In art, bad sex and bad breath, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 30 November 2009 at 3:00 pmjust because
you want her
doesn’t mean
she feels
the same
or even notices
you’re alive
(D. James)
stubborn lazy do-nothing fucker
In art, bad sex and bad breath, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 25 November 2009 at 9:20 pmlike a dog
that won’t come
a bird
that refuses
to sing
or a cat
that won’t hunt
what if
I just sat here
all damn day
listening to Nina
the sound
of all that pain
washing over me
like rain
(D. James)
better get to it
In art, bad sex and bad breath, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 8 September 2009 at 1:41 amwaiting
for the keys
to speak
why don’t they
type something
must I do
everything
around here
I thought
this writing thing
would be easier
people talk about
poems that write
themselves
where can I
get me
one of those
they promised
life would be
more fun
on a Mac
but I still
have to do
all the damn thinking
(D. James)
at the end
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 22 July 2009 at 4:02 pmWe said
“you don’t
understand”
to each other
until we didn’t
then we weren’t
anymore
(D. James)
everything
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 16 July 2009 at 3:37 pmAnother time
in another city
when I was
someone else
And she
she asked me
“what do you want?”
And I
I had no answer
Now here
in this town
I being me
and all things equal
She asks me
“what do you want?”
And I
I answer
“everything”
To which she
she has no reply
And I
I am left
wondering
why this question
keeps coming up
(D. James)
do something
In art, d. james, literature, poem, poetry, writing on 12 July 2009 at 6:41 pmexhausted
by talk
empty words
without action
said again
and again
until there is
nothing
but sound
like shadows
in fog
smoke and mirrors
leaving us
nowhere
with nothing
(D. James)
black wave of frustration
In art, d. james, literature, overweight champions, poem, poetry, writing on 27 May 2009 at 4:59 pmthis night passes
through me
like a black
knife
no way
around it
I must
stay up
’til dawn
breaks me
only then
will I fall
to sleep
(D. James)
