never and always
right and wrong

bone and dust
blood and guts

intransigent and flexible
solid and liquid

everything
and
nothing

(D James)

all those thoughts
of what I should
be doing
what I did
wrong

asking why

the grace and ease
so longed for
seeming far off
impossible

hoping
for change
and then
don’t want
the kind that arrives

realizing
finally
it is not an answer
I seek
but a way to live

to think thoughts
and take action
generate some
confidence

take some
responsibility
for my life

because if I don’t
who the hell will

(D. James)

like talking
to you through
glass

none
but you
knowing their
true meaning

I wonder
what is
to be done

or should
I simply
be more
patient

waiting for
a reply
not an answer

for now
that would
be enough

(D. James)

waiting for a call
e-mail
chat
text

something
to let me know
you’re thinking
of me
when I’m thinking
of you

knowing
it’s no good
being like this

but doing it
anyway

’cause there are
no answers
only questions

so why not ask
the same one
over and over

(D. James)

I’m asking too much
but I’m asking anyway

’cause if you don’t ask
you don’t get

and I think
you want me to ask

it’s why
you found me

waiting for you
to come around again
so I could ask

so I’m asking

(D. James)

not just a body
but someone to love

curled up in my arms
breathing quietly
the smell of hair
and warm skin
mixed with clean sheets

someone to wake up to
come the morning light

someone
who calls me baby
in a way that means
the world to them

can’t a man want
these things
and not think
he has to hide
his feelings away

I’m just asking

(D. James)

thinking
look again
it’ll be there
this time
it’ll be there
now

check now
what about now
not yet
what about now

keep looking
in the same dead place
waiting for my life to begin
when all this time
it’s been right in front of me
waiting for me to see

(D. James)

spell out
all the
ideas
emotions

color
outside the lines

black pen markings
beginning in one corner

not stopping until I’ve planned out my whole fucking life

filling ten rooms with the words of my mind
the work of my soul

not stopping until it is all out of me
like some monster some wild thing

only then can I lay down to sleep
knowing when I wake it will all
still be there
but exposed out in the open

nothing to hide

(D. James)

used to think
I knew everything
or could
at least
fake it

now
I don’t know
is often
my answer

but I’ll make something up
if it makes you feel better

(D. James)

when there is
nothing to say

and so
I say
what’s
right there

” … “

(D. James)